Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
