you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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