I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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