I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
