Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize