Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
