just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
