Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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