We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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