I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
