he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
