Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
