Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
