what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
