i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
