Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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