i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
