GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
