the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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