actually, I'm a sock model
farters have to be the big spoon...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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