My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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