at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
