now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Randomize
