By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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