I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
3 2 1 whiskey
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
