"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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