When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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