god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
