i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
