just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
