We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
