Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
