new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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