You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
