Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize