So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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