Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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