Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
