I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
