I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
