I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
