therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
