you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
