atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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