What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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