Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
