...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
