You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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