got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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