Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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