I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
