i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This baby is an asshole
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
