i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We left the knife in your bed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
