and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
