this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
