Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
