The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
