I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
