I showed him my bush... on skype.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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