I think my fart just growled at me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
