Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
