Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
