end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
