she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
