is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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