I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
