Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
