Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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