he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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