WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize