We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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