Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
