I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just cropdusted the office
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
