I feel great
I just peed on a car
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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