he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
