Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
