I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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