that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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