Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
