yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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