I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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