We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
