i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
