Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
