Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
