He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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