tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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